After You Say No, It Is Rape

Posted on 01/11/2010

Many men’s definition of rape does not apply to their own behavior or that of their male friends. Some men, as well as women, honestly believe that men cannot control themselves when they are sexually aroused.

They believe the girl or the woman is responsible for both arousing and controlling the man. This is absolute rubbish. At any age, a man is perfectly able to control his sexual drive at any point, from first arousal to climax. But, the attitude that men are not responsible for their actions with women is not a new idea.

Many men young and old still have the fantasy that once they are aroused they have a right to have sex with a woman, regardless of her wants, desires, or needs.

Someone might say:
“If a woman gets in my Mercedes without wearing a bra, she’s asking for it!” Another man agreed, saying that any woman who goes up to a man’s apartment, or allows a man into her apartment, is saying she wants to have sex.

Such attitudes have been created and taught by fathers, grandfathers, and yes, even by mothers. Some women today still believe that it’s a woman’s job to control the man’s behavior, and that women just have to tolerate the assaults.

Rape is about power. Men rape to get power over women. These men often feel powerless in their lives, and so they look for a way to increase their sense of self worth by controlling and manipulating another “weaker” human being.

Of course, this is a flawed idea, and rape doesn’t give the rapist any lasting sense of power or self-worth, so he may continue to commit the crime until it becomes increasingly violent.

Let’s be clear about this point of control. A woman is not responsible for keeping a man in control of his own sexual responses. Each man is responsible for his own actions, and, no matter what a woman does, he has no right to any sexual contact with her against her will or without her knowledge.

Dating Rape is not just “he said; she said.” Rape is not just a misunderstanding or the result of a lack of communication. Rape is an act of choice to commit a crime and to forcibly obtain power over another individual through the means of sexual assault.

Dating Rape is not just a misunderstanding. Rape is a criminal act of choosing to overpower a woman and to have sexual intercourse with her without her consent or without her knowledge.

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