Closed Couples

Posted on 11/15/2009

A closed couple rarely discusses problems directly. The partners tend to react to situations after they have become fact rather than intervene in the problem as it is evolving. Because the partners with to avoid problems, there is a silent hope that things will get better if they are just left alone .

Each partner has some general knowledge of what the other partner is feeling. The specifics, however, are often vague. An example is the husband who comes home in angry silence collapsing in a eap in front of the television while his wife instruct the children, "Daddy had a rough day so be quiet,: while making it her business to get out of his way.

In a closed relationship, each partner sees him or herself as playing a specific role and carries out that role without much comment. Food is prepared. The children are marshaled to homework and bed. The husband is "serviced" to take the edge off his anxiety so he can get a good night sleep and go back out into the thankless world. Such partners show a sense of gratitude toward each other that mystifies outsiders who think "How can they put up with this?" The joy of these couples is in their mere survival.

In a closed relationship, feelings are not expressed and the only issues that get discussed regularly have to do with the mechanics of survival. The prevailing attitude is that they all would be grateful for not being worse off than they are.

The term "bad times" is used to refer to economic struggles, not emotional disagreements.

There is little room for enjoyment, just temporary moments of peace in the struggle. To bring up problems at these :happy" times, such as the infrequent weekend away, would seem unfair. Long suffering and stoic, these partners tend to let their lives pass by without questioning their pain or stopping to enjoy the pleasure of being together every day.

Although placid on the surface, these relationships may teem with unexpressed anger, anxiety, or resentment, and they are especially prone to crises in midlife when sudden dissatisfaction and doubt lead one or the other partner to question if he really has all life has to offer.

Are you one of them!?

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