Falling In Love With Love

Posted on 10/10/2009

People are always looking for someone who represents an ideal to have the perfect mate implies that you are perfect. Because such people are few, we tend to idealize others and fall in love with our idealization.Then, when we get close enough to see their faults, we reject them, for in our insecurity we fear that our partner's weakness reveals that we are flawed as well .

When we were young and in the green days of our reason, we committed to others because we saw in them what we needed to see. Those commitments were often one sided. We fell in love at a distance and held our hearts in check, secretly thrilling whenever we passed close to the other in a crowed school corridor.

We walked miles out of our way to go past her house, hoping to catch a glimpse of her in the window. We found ourselves interested in a sport he played and, in response to the slightest criticism, defended it with embarrassingly misplaced passion.

First commitments are physical, born of ideals, a search for perfection and an awakening to feelings, both unfamiliar and arresting. That nose, the angle of the neck, that wonderful chest, those breast and that face, sough out in crowds, seen in dreams, and that laugh, the way he or she dances, or those eyes and that rear end that moves to a silent drum, and those delicate hands, those legs and the adjecent places whose fullness evokes the need for exploration.

What he say if i approached him? Would he refuse me if i asked?

First loves preoccupy use, dilute our thoughts, capture our time. First loves make us become something other than ourselves. We pursue what we think we should be to appear lovable. We act differently, embarrass ourselves, and cover our comments with transparent avoidance's. We play roles, now confident, now overly serious. But beneath it all, we wonder if anyone will even be there for us as we really are.

The problem for many people who claim they "like the chase" is that they never get over this initial stage of being in love. They mistakenly label the intense eroticism and carefree romanticism of this period as real love. They seek relationships that contain the same feelings as they imagined in the past, but they can't find them. They pursue an impossible ideal and age in their disappointment. How could they know what they are seeking existed only in the state of mind they borough to love years ago?

These people seek not only a person like those in their past, they are also trying to recapture their own youthfulness, their carefree days when they were protected. They want a love that reflects a life full or promises that still lies ahead of them, and an optimistic untainted by failure, limited only their capacity to dream. They want a person who inspires them to wonder again.

The world has other plans for us. The perfect mate never comes. We are left with our unfulfilled dreams and the knowledge that we are getting older. But somehow the miracle happens again, or so we believe. But somehow the miracle happens again, or so we believe.

We find in another person a trait that we once cherished years ago, and suddenly, almost without our encouragement, we new the new person in stage lighting from another area. In this loving context we forgive the shortcoming we should question and imagine a completeness that does not exist. It is easy to see how such a relationship quickly comes to mean more than it should, more than it can ever deliver.

But we don't want to know this. We just want to believe that love exist. It only takes one hurtful comment to cut through our self deception and bring us down to reality again. Our partner puts us down without realizing it. He belittles something we care about or mocks a value we cherish. We are stunned!

The other person is not what we thought, and we are different as well. Before we were sure of everything, now we have deep doubts. The commitment we made seems trivial. We don't even understand what we saw in the other person. And so we move on, resolving never to allow ourselves to be hurt this way again.

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