Hurt In Relationships

Posted on 10/21/2009

Hurt in relationships is pain in the present, the experience of loss or injury caused by something that is happening now. Hurt feels like sadness, being depleted or disappointed. Its intensity depends upon how seriously you feel you have been hurt.

You cope with hurt by expressing the pain to whoever caused it as soon as possible. It's always best to be straightforward and direct. If you are afraid to tell your partner that he hurt you for fear that he won't take you seriously or that he doesn't care about your feelings, you need to ask yourself why you are involved with someone who does not care about you.

If a person does not care about his own feelings, he cannot care about anyone else's. If a person doesn't care about your feelings he doesn't care about you. If you conceal your hurt just because you do not want to reveal your vulnerability, your pride is in the way of your happiness. Don't pretend you are above feeling hurt you will only lose touch with yourself. Be honest. If the source of your hurt is your own disappointment in yourself, deal with it by admitting your shortcomings and seek to improve yourself.

As soon as you have been hurt in some way by your partner, say, "Ouch. It hurt when you did/said that. I'm not happy about it."

If your partner ignores you, say, 'I want you to know you just hurt my feelings."

If your partner starts to make excuses or still ignores you, say, "Look, I'm the one who has been hurt. A simple acknowledgement of my hurt and "I'm sorry, will settle this."

If your partner refuses, tell him you resent being hurt and it makes you angry to be treated like that.

If your partner says "I'm sorry" tell him you are glad you could express your hurt openly and then let go of it.

Don't be deceived by the obviousness of this example. You will have all you can do to keep it in mind the next time you are hurt. People who are unable to cope with a great loss sometimes keep their hurt alive for years and feel it a little bit at a time. This is characteristic of anniversary reactions when, on the date or season of a loss, people mourn the residual part of the loss for which they still haven't fully grieved.

Keeping hurt alive by wallowing in self pitty is a selfdestructive act that eventually alienates those who love you. The person who will not let go of a hurt often uses his suffering as a way of punishing others. If you find that are feeling sorry for yourself, just admit it matter of factly and decide to stop. Even if that seems over simplistic, it is the necessary next step to feeling better. You can postpone or prolong the moment when you decide to let go of your hurt. You can wait for therapy or revenge, but you will still have to some to the same decision. Decide to be your best, to forgive, and move on.

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