Planning Spontaneity

Posted on 12/24/2009

Planning Spontaneity may sound like a contradiction in terms, but planning is the essence of a happy romantic relationship. Consider how much of the time the outside world intrudes on your intimate life, how often concern over bills or children, career or the house manage to get in the way of your being together .

All relationships walk a fine line here. You need to take care of the business of your life in order to be free to love. You cannot love with a lot of unfinished business on your mind. Neither can you allow every piece of business to take precedence over loving.

Don’t allow work to pile up. Don’t brush problems under the rug, but still plan for time together, time free of mundane concerns. During this time there will always be some mention of problems, just don’t make problem solving the continual focus of these precious moments.

Don’t react to the problems that are brought up in the easy freedom of expression that comes when you are relaxed. Think of it this way: If you were running away from the cares of your relationship and having an affair with your partner, and he or she brought up these same points, you would react sympathetically; you would not make it an additional problem by being hurt or by complaining that these concerns were ruining your good times.

Enjoying your aloneness together is the romantic part of love. Find this mutuality in all the moments you share and cherish it. It is all a matter of attitude. You can say “There he goes talking about work again” or just allow the moment to pass without resentment and focus on being there together, holding hands and smiling.

Remind yourself that the free expression of whatever is on your mind keeps the way clear. Trust in romance and it will reward you by appearing.

If you have nothing special planned, try walking. Parks and gardens are free. So are window-shopping, people watching, museums, and galleries. But if you have someone you love to share them with, the time is precious. You need to convey your delight at having your partner to play with. If you feel you don’t have time for these sorts of things, you have to make room for them.

These are the things you used to do before you were so busy, successful, famous, important, needed, or indispensable. Life reaffirms life, but you have to be present for it. Sharing the simple moments of life together is as full as life ever gets.

Coming to life with an open heart and the desire to be there together is what a relationship is all about. You need to make room for your love to flourish. You need to show your love in the world. It will give others courage and restore their faith.

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