Some Advice On Getting A Divorce

Posted on 12/02/2009

If you are married and agree to make the separation permanent, you should wait a few months before hiring a lawyer. You need this time to think and be sure .

The legal process has a momentum of its own and some divorce lawyers have a way about them that discourages reconciliation, their protests to the contrary notwithstanding.

Decide on a temporary support program beforehand. No matter what your lawyer tell you, supporting yourself is in your best interest. It may not be in his.

If possible, process with no fault route. The adversary approach is needlessly destructive and often requires that the partners abandon their goodwill in order to give their lawyers freedom to attack. This is nonsense.

Being punitive or retaliatory at this point only reflects your earlier inadequacy in expressing your feelings. Trying to get the court to punish your partner, is mostly an expensive pipe dream. Unscrupulous lawyers will encourage you to pursue the law to the limits to obtain your rights.

Your real rights are to be free of anyone's undue influence, settle this matter as quickly as possible so you can live a life of your own.

If you choose a lawyer on a percentage of settlement basis, you are making a big mistake, especially if children are involved. It is true that some mates need legal restrains to get them to provide minimal support, but these people are by far in the minority. If you perceive your mate as this kind of person, ask if your anger has anything to do with this before assuming the worst.

Using a court of law to repay you for your own poor judgment in getting involved in the first place is the sign of someone who has a poor self image.

During the period of legal proceedings, carry an envelope with you and each time you get an idea about your case, write it down and put it in the envelope and bring it up with your lawyer. It will be one less item to preoccupy you. Speak to your lawyer as little as possible. Keep notes, have an agenda of what you wish to accomplish in each meeting.

Remember, your goal is to get past your anger, to forgive and start over again. The last thing you want is to make the same mistake twice. Accepting responsibility for your half of the problem is your best insurance against this.

Whether you are together or apart, if the path is open to grow, you have won an important victory.

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