The Gift Of Love
Posted on 10/23/2009
Knowing that someone you respect and trust believes in you goes a long way toward helping you believe in yourself. Ideally, you shouldn't need anyone to raise your self esteem, but from time to time we all doubt ourselves. The gift of love helps us overcome that doubt.
If gift of love is withheld, or if is offered only conditionally at times of self doubt, your partner is taking unfair advantage of a vulnerable situation and making it less likely that you will be open in the future.
Still, it is difficult to withhold negative comments when your partner finally begin to admin what you have been telling him for years. Resist the temptation. Allow your partner to voice his or her worst fears with total freedom from retaliation.
If, during later argument, you bring up these weaknesses, you will betray the deepest trust. Just as you are the greatest of all confidants when you are friends, you are the most unfair of all possible opponents when you are not. No one knows how to love or hurt you more deeply than your partner.
Insincerely expressing your belief in your partner is another way of saying you don't believe in him. It is demoralizing to tell your partner that his work is good when you feel in isn't. Being patronizing to avoid hurting your partner's feelings will only injure him further and reduce your credibility. The reason your partner feels self doubt is that he sees his faults. It is always best to tell the truth with reassuring love.
Let your partner express his doubts without cutting him off prematurely with stock reassurances. Hear what he has to say. If your partner starts beating his breast and feeling sorry for himself, do not make too much out of it. Remind him that he has momentarily lost his confidence.
Ask him what he thinks went wrong. Have him indicate the possible solutions. Encourage him to follow his instics in spite of his doubts. If he responds negatively, don't take it personally. Just remind him that his doubts will pass just as it always does.
Do not reward his negatively with a lot of attention. Simply listen and try to understand. Above all, express your love and belief honestly and sincerely. That is the greatest gist you can offer.
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