The Most Common Male Sexual Problems

Posted on 12/07/2009

Sexual spontaneity reflects the openness of the communication between partners. For example, nearly all impotence in otherwise healthy men is the result of withheld anger. It is an unusual man who has never had a little difficulty with this problem, but such difficulties are usually temporary. Impotent men often feel guilty and fear risking rejection by revealing their anger and thus proving they are bad.

Instead, they deprive their partner of sexual pleasure while claiming it isn’t their fault. It is as if they are saying “How could I hurt you? I’m so powerless I can’t even get an erection.” Rather than admitting their deeper feelings, they express remorse over their inability to perform sexually, seeking support and reasurance from their partners at the same time as they punish them.

Since the emotions involved are usually hidden, the problem frequently feels obscure and hopelessly complex. For example, the nicer their partners are, the more guilty these men feel about hurting them by withholding sex. In addition, because impotence is also a threat to the woman’s sexuality, she wonders what is wrong with her and why she cannot excite her man; frequently she tries to arouse him just to prove herself. When her giving is motivated by such insecurity rather than desire, it adds to the man’s hurt, thereby increasing his anger and making the situation worse.

In spite of the woman’s best efforts, the man remains impotent just to prove her sexually unattractive. Impotence is a contradiction in which the man wins by sacrificing his sexuality. Just as with other problems in a relationship, the first step in overcoming impotence is to admit the anger and reveal the hurt that caused it. This is difficult for those men who equate admitting they are hurt with being weak.

When a man feels weaker than his woman, impotence can sometim?s be the only expression of anger with which he feels comfortable. Becoming involved in sexual activity, where both vulnerability and aggressiveness are required at the same time, threatens these men. Where they feel afraid to be aggressive, they will also be impotent. They must therefore prove their virility elsewhere.

Especially if they are unwilling to admit that they have a sexual problem, impotent men can be overly aggressive and competitive in “safe” areas, such as business and sports. There are many paradoxes here. Men are frequently able to perfrm with one partner and not with another, with “bad women” ho deserve to be treated badly but not with their mates.

If a man is impotent but has erections in his sleep or on arising, the problem is most likely emotional, for in the dream state those defenses that operate when one is conscious are lowered. Men become preoccupied about impotence and quickly lose perspective, thinking only about their wounded egos and their inability to perform. Frequently, the man’s self-absorption totally overshadows his partner’s feelings. While men acknowledge that the woman is not being satisfied, they believe they are the one who is really suffering.

Some impotent men avoid all physical contact under the pretext that they do not wish to hurt their partner by leading them on anexcuse for giving even less. Other men become cuddly as if wishing to be nurtured, consoled, and forgiven by being treated like a child.

Besides coping openly with the hidden anger, reducing stress with rest, taking a vacation, combatting boredom by variations in technique, position, time, and place can all help relieve impotence stemming from psychological causes. Depression that causes impotence is mostly a result of withheld anger as well.

Unfortunately, to resolve this problem men sometimes use drugs and/or seek relationships with more attractive or caring partners. Don’t be confused by impotence. Assume it is inhibited anger and deal with the underlying hurt.

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