What Partners Argue About

Posted on 11/22/2009

Money - Both partners should have an equal voice in finances that are involved in maintaining their relationship whether or not they are equal contributors. There are no set rules, but each partner also has the right to have his or her own private financial resources. In the best circumstance this is not to hide transactions from the other, but to enable each partner to maintain a base of control over his or her own life.

Sex - Ideally, sex is a natural extension of the love that flows between partners. The magic of sex is in its free bestowal, both partners are glad to give as well as receive. The thrill of sex comes as such from arousing your partner and sensing your sensual impact on another as in being satisfied. Responding to your partner also validates his or her sexual identity. However, sex loses its spontaneity and excitement when it is used as a reward or as a punishment.

Family and children - Ideally, children should be born into a family that wants them.The right reasons for having children are to create a physical manifestation of your love and pass along what that love has taught you. The wrong reasons for having children include wanting a child to prove to the world that you are gifted and had you been given the advantages that you give to your children you, too, would have succeeded. To establish a tradition in which your personal goals are carried on by your child, or to make your relationship better by finally having a common interest.

Parents and In Laws - If you do not separate from your parents, your growth is incomplete and your self esteem suffers. Failure to break away from your parent when the time is right creates power struggles in which your parents and your partner vie for your allegiance. You can avoid making a choice between the people you love by being for yourself and doing what you want most. The person who really loves you wants you to be happy on your own terms. So decide what you want and pursue it.

Careers - There is always a danger that the single breadwinner will be given more tights than other family members. In fact, he may come to expect that other family members be grateful and silent. It takes a special effort to make a two Carrier relationship work. The partners need to divide their chores so that neither partner feels use. Leisure time needs to be carefully planned to ensure that two busy schedules do not overshadow the limited opportunities to be together.

Substance Abuse and Addiction - Ideally, there is no room for substance abuse in relationship. Any substance that distorts reality always creates a barrier between the couple and limits the ability to recognize and deal with the truth. Most abused substances have the effect of putting the brain's centers of higher sensibility to sleep. The net result is that the person who abuses a substance or relies on compulsive behavior has cut off some of his humanness from the relationship. These abused substances and addictive behaviors act as a buffer against a painful feeling and serve as a kind of defense. An addiction blocks growth by blocking the resolution of pain. As a result, there is less of the real person of love.

Life styles - The happiest couples feel the same way about the life they share. This may seem obvious, but many partners resent stuck in a town one of them hates, near a family one is afraid of leaving, or with friends one has outgrown. If one partner cannot be happy in a certain situation, the relationship cannot be happy either. All life style decisions are mutual or else they imply that one partner is better than the other.

Cheating - Cheating can mean many things in a relationship. It can be an act of spite, a momentary loss of control under the influence of alcohol or drugs, a long standing passion for another person, a way to make up for what is a perceived as missing in a relationship, a compulsion, a reflection of insecurity or great unhappiness with one's life or partner. It can also mean that a relationship is wrong, is over, or is inadequate to the partner's need. It can also mean that the right person has finally been found. It can be a response to loneliness, boredom, anxiety, or reflect overwhelming doubt about where you are in life or whether you have found all life has to offer.

Why do you fight?

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