Why People Cheat

Posted on 11/25/2009

There are as many reasons for cheating as there are for avoiding pain. Cheating always points to a weakness in your relationship. There is no such thing as an innocent, harmless affair. If an affair is considered meaningless, what is the worth of the partner who can be cheated on with impunity ?

Many married business people engage in one night stands on the road, but then so do skiers away from a holiday, girls out on the town, and boys out with the boys. In some cultures such behavior is passed off as normal, but this is a self deception.

If every trespass against a relationship's exclusivity can be pardoned by citing excuses, drugs, or circumstances, the relationship cannot really matters to either party. When all is said and done, excuses given to leases the pain of the injury of cheating are just that excuses. The facts remain simple and clear. Your partner has been unfaithful and you are hurt because you are no longer regarded as special.

It has become the vogue these days to label infidelity by thirty or forty year old partners as "a mid life crisis." In the typical case, a partner reaches mid life and begins to acknowledge his or her involvement and to question whether the life he or she is leading is the best it could be. The people most likely to suffer a mid life crisis are those who have never questioned the value they live by, who lack the courage to follow what they feel or to discuss what really matters to them.

We all need to grow up. We all need to become honest about our needs and our situations, to realize that this is the only chance we get at life. Living life to the fullest in our first imperative and deepest need. Partners must understand that expressing this wish is not a betrayal of loyalty, but a growing realization that life is unfolding and happiness living together only comes to those who are still free to pursue it.

Cheating is often the safety valve to vent frustrations that build as people realize they are unhappy and desperately grope around trying to find fulfillment. Even if you do not get caught, someone always gets hurt whenever you cheat. You cannot cheat and feel totally good about yourself because cheating is a dishonest act.

You may rationalize your behavior, claim that you are uninvolved, deprived, ore deserving of better treatment. But even if that is true, why waste your energy in an affair, especially if your relationship is Worth saving? Why not risk being open before you cheat, when you still have nothing to hide?

If by chance the person you are cheating with is right for you, it is difficult to enjoy the love between you. You cannot love freely because you cannot totally be yourself and cheat at the same time. If you are using the other person to explore a life without your partner or determine your value as a sexual commodity, the act of cheating may provide answers, but it makes the affair into an experiment.

There are exceptions to this in which someone finds their true love outside their current relationship and leave to fulfill themselves by starting a new life, but this is not as much as cheating as it is starting over. Cheating while expecting to stay in the original relationship almost always makes matters worse. Couples can recover, but only to the extent thatched can be honest with each other. Start being honest before you cheat.

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